Like any other day, today also it’s raining heavily and I was in my room lying on the bed listening to my slow kpop playlist and scrolling through sns, it suddenly came to my head that would have I loved me if I’m me but from outside. It’s complicated to even think again as to put in words. Would have I liked me at least as a friend? What’d be it to be like have a friend as me to me?
       Song changed, rain got louder outside. I decided to write down the random thought which was unlike me. I battled with myself to write it the way it is, words felt not enough to bring the complete meaning to it. And also I was afraid that it’d seem nonsense if I fail to use the apt sentences.
           As I progressed with my writing, mind got distracted a few times by the rain which is no way near to end but getting louder after every song. I remove the curtains to the window strings and opened the window, slightly flinched with the sudden light. Some weird fruit like scent came in by the window, or maybe it’s the scent of rain. Rain have scent? No it’s someone’s perfume, but whose? I stared at the distant building inhaling more of the same scent. I rarely opened the window and almost never after new neighbours shifted to the house who had window direct to my room. I felt eyes watching even though I know they have their own life.
      Gradually rain come to a stop, it’s the breeze that still there. I woke up from my thoughts when two little ants bit my hands strangely together the same time. Sky has became more bright as the rain gone. I still not adjusted to the excess light, maybe same for my room too. It’s been a long time they got this much light and air.
          One of my favorite song playing right now, suddenly all my focus went to that song, I don’t understand a single word but still it’s my favorite. This is what people meant by crush, like you don’t know anything about that person but still they become your favorite. You’ll be focused when they’re around.
           I tried to look towards sky but the light is too much. The weather is so chilling with all the rain. I tucked my legs under the sheet and rubbed for some heat. And finally I came back where I started, will I be friends with me?? I don’t know, I hated me but not anymore. I don’t love me that much too. I’ll be the one whom I’ll give a faint smile whenever I see on my way. Nothing more I guess.
         This is exactly how my mind works, thoughts come and go their wish. Now I wonder how many thoughts came and went in all my lifetime until now. Sigh.